VIII : In Spades

Posted in Diary, High seas, Smoking continues to cause fatalities on April 25, 2008 by jiiiiim

The Amateur was settling in for an all-night Scooby-Doo marathon, so that he may shout names and pull faces at Scrappy-Doo, when suddenly he picked up a sound near the door. A bell ring to be precise. Well the Amateur isn’t that easily fooled. At the end of the marathon, he found this sheet slid under the door, clipped to a “you were unable to receive this parcel” card.

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VII : Snapneck Mountain

Posted in Elves, Hats, Speedboats for all on April 7, 2008 by jiiiiim

The Amateur often visits a local animal rescue centre, to laugh at those less fortunate than himself. This time he found himself staring at a crow with an injured wing, and idly reaching for his nailgun, when he saw a message tied to its leg. After shooting it in a stealthy and subversive manner, he retrived this card.

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VI : Fat Tuesday

Posted in City Guides, Hats, The Great Chef Drought Of 08 on March 29, 2008 by jiiiiim

The Amateur often considers taking in some high culture, shortly before breaking down in a coughing and/or laughing fit and going to somewhere cheap, and today it appears his reallocated kids meal card paid dividends, for on the reverse…

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V : Suburban Warfare

Posted in Clowns, Diary, Skateboards on March 24, 2008 by jiiiiim

The Amateur was pleased to find in his shreddies, once he had finished choking on it, a free gift containing the new mission. He was only slightly peeved that this took the place of the token he needed three more of to get a skateboard, so compromised and ordered the additional remote bomb. The Amateur will never get that damn skateboard.

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IV : And I Said Oh, Oh Oh. Kay.

Posted in Diary, Smoking kills, Smoking still kills on March 17, 2008 by jiiiiim

The Amateur often visits a local church on charity days so that he may both emulate his need for practically free soup, and his need to spark the odd religious incident, just like it says in the Professional’s handbook. He found himself beckoned into a room with the promise of special stuff but turns out it wasn’t soup, The Amateur’s convincing Professional disguise even works in public, speckled with croutons. They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said “Alright, where’s the broth”. Not so catchy. And here’s the target for The Amateur’s devilishly fiendish killing.

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III : Amateur Dramatics

Posted in Diary, Exploding cats, Maintenance men of doom on March 11, 2008 by jiiiiim

The Amateur is glad he changed the details on The Professional’s library card as the next mission was found within the pages of the Stealth, Subtlety and Subterfuge: The Great Lie book that he took out this week.

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II : Vine Harder

Posted in Bread, Childhood heroes, Diary on March 9, 2008 by jiiiiim

The Amateur never forgives, but he does forget because of poor organisational skills.

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