III : Amateur Dramatics

The Amateur is glad he changed the details on The Professional’s library card as the next mission was found within the pages of the Stealth, Subtlety and Subterfuge: The Great Lie book that he took out this week.

Their facial hair will not save them from the reckoning of The Amateur, and he approves of the cultural implications of “Escape Opera”, regretting only that it does not also say “Escape The Theatre” or “Escape Book Readings”. One is an operatic tenor (hence the nifty hat) and the other is an American ambassador (hence the..uh..smug), who is heavily guarded in a private box. The instructions also recommend fetching a coat on the way in. This is a mission The Amateur is fully confident in, and he retrieves the gun within the coat with a smile, a flourish, and a confided whisper to the cloakroom guy that the coat definitely did not contain a gun.

Amateur Dramatics, II

Inspecting his inventory, The Amateur is surprised to find this grants him the ability of…. GUN FOR A HEAD

Amateur Dramatics, III

Oh, that’s just the inventory. Well that’s a little disappointing, if more believable. And will probably allow for a better disguise, it’s hard to essentially sneak a light howitzer into the opera. Following his herd instincts, The Amateur falls in with a tour party, however after a bit of heckling, and the tour guide threatening to slap The Amateur, he moves on. But he will remember the nearly-slapping!

Amateur Dramatics, IV

The Amateur approves of the many toilets with their spacious corpse-caskets, but while he is inspecting them, someone he assumes to be a binman wanders over to have a look. Time for The Amateur to…take out the trash.

Amateur Dramatics, V

The Amateur stole that line from that Rex Stanton movie where he rides around on a garbage truck slaughtering Koreans. ‘course, that was before the betrayal. Outside the toilet is a toolbox. Oh, uh…must have been a maintenance man. Good thing The Amateur did not know that, as those puns are harder to come up with. Oh well, let’s assume his identity and see where it takes us. Maintenance might need doing! The Amateur continues along the maintenance warrens of the Opera, inadvertantly stumbling onto a low-budget porno.

Amateur Dramatics, VI

The Amateur is classier than this, and resolves to henceforth use the other bathroom. He finds himself behind the stage, where the stars are behind doors with handily-marked stars on them. They are being very closely guarded by a man in black, part of Americandelegate’s envoy but fortunately his nickname is Jimmy McWeakbladder because he is barely sat down for three minutes before he bolts for the toilet. However, he has been trained well because there are no guard-sized corpsecaskets in said bathroom. The Americans train their people well.

Amateur Dramatics, VII

This makes The Amateur consider knocking him out in there (not like that), donning a black-and-white suit for a miraculous transformation (It has an earpiece!), taking a shower to check the suit’s durability, and seeing what security clearance the guys have backstage.

Amateur Dramatics, VIII

Very little clearance, probably. Okay, that’s not how it happened. The Amateur waited for McWeakBladder to do his thing and crept into the closet of the tenor target’s co-star, then switches his prop pistol for a…somewhat more deadly one, alas not head-mounted. Then he cunningly sneaks out, using the door as cover, and goes back through the maintenance warrens to watch the show.

Amateur Dramatics, IX

First, he considers a balcony view, but figures his delight at seeing target one eliminated with the real pistol would be tempered when he falls off said balcony and lands on the onrushing guards. He resolves to use a less incredibly dangerous viewing position, and places his toolbox full of explosives by the front. Could be dangerous if that went off. Engage Opera Binoculars!

Amateur Dramatics, X

What a moving scene. Here come the guards!

Amateur Dramatics, XI

Told you that toolbox was dangerous. Time for The Amateur to beat a hasty retreat so this doesn’t get pinned on the maintenance man. He retrieves his suit from behind the coatroom, and heads out into the Paris night. There may be a slight case of fire.

The following morning, the Amateur was reading his favourite redirected newspaper when he saw a startling news item.

Amateur Dramatics, XII

No, no, to the left.

Amateur Dramatics, XIII

Amazing science!


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