I : Send In The Clowns

The Professional does not brag of his accomplishments, for him the job itself is joy enough. Not joy, satisfaction, that the job is done and the wheels are turning as they should. There is no room for involvement, for emotion, for carnivals. Unfortunately The Professional retired some time ago. I’m The Amateur, and I just bought his answer machine. But there are benefits. The professional would not care for ice-cream. I do care, so this stolen assignment will not be a wasted one.

A guard confronts The Amateur at the door and we exchange serious yet good-sounding dialogue. The Amateur tells him he’s not my friend and smash his head on a gate. The Amateur considers whether that could be his calling card, but figures carrying the gate around would not be worth the hassle. Up ahead there are more guards. The Amateur throws a coin out the window and watches the fools scatter for the four minutes’ pay it would replace. The Amateur laughs and sneaks past them, unseen, unheard, undetected…

Send In The Clowns, II

..undead.

But The Amateur learns from his mistakes. The metal-cast contraptions those goons toted pierced my suit and flesh, and it would be handy in my line of intercepting other peoples’ work. The Amateur can use the bullets rather like a clip of coins to distract the guards.

Send In The Clowns, III

The Amateur has seen many sights in his 25 minutes of employment but none stranger than the one which greeted him in the next room. He switched to night vision.

Send In The Clowns, IV

An incorporeal text-based being instructed The Amateur to “Shoot the gangster”, but how could he tell which was which? As the laughing non-bound-and-gagged potential gangster started pouring kerosene over the potential gangster strapped to a children’s spring toy, comprehension dawned in The Amateur’s mind, he would set a test. If the first man was of good character, he would not burn, and he could kill his attacker! The man caught fire and The Amateur reacted quickly, shooting the man before he could complete his burning. He then sought to distract the laughing and now armed helpless civilian who had been caught up in this mess. His job done, The Amateur disposed of the evidence using the leftover kerosene bottles.

Send In The Clowns, V

The next room holds more helpless civilians, who are distracted into some freezers. Apparently each freezer only takes one, so The Amateur has to spread them out to hide them effectively. The Amateur is not a coward, but he realises there is a time to hide and that time is when the flashing incorporeal text says “Hide”. The cupboard is roomy, and he is rewarded when a gangster barges in and foolishly turns his back on the Amateur. The Amateur becomes the gangster, leaving no trace.

Send In The Clowns, VI

Aside from the body, his clothes, the weapon used, and a pool of blood. The Amateur blends seamlessly into the civilian population.

Send In The Clowns, VII

The Amateur sees all this flour and figure it needs to go somewhere, this dude calls him “White Bread”, which leads him to the conclusion that there’s a bakery nearby. Various people try to stop him but the bread must get through. The Amateur remains discreet and classy in his refusal, albeit getting some stains on his shirt. It is perhaps a sign of the growing abilities of The Amateur that his next obejctive is the most efficiently-accomplished yet.

Send In The Clowns, VIII

I am nearing the bread-delivery room when I see another gangster harassing a civilian and rush to save him!

Send In The Clowns, IX

Alas, both of them perished in the struggle. But the Chief Baker is here, the Swing King, the man that The Professional was supposed to kill but didn’t because he doesn’t know about this. The Amateur decides to make the forensic’s job tricky, with a Cluedo approach.

Send In The Clowns, X

Finishing with an explosion, the job is done and The Amateur strolls off. They didn’t know he was there, he will not be traced, he is just…The Amateur.

Send In The Clowns, XI

And he needs a new shirt.

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3 Responses to “I : Send In The Clowns”

  1. […] who are new to this blog, it’s in the horrible reverse order that blogs seem to like so go here if you’d like to start at the first post, or use the handy-dandy list of episodes on the […]

  2. […] random things to kill, has finished. Worth a read if you know the Hitman games, and want a chuckle Start here, reading it out of order is no fun Posted by Andrew Armstrong on Monday, September 1, 2008, at […]

  3. Chris escobar Says:

    In “Death of a Showman” if you kill all the guards with your fiberwire except for the two snipers which you have to kill with your sniper rifle, you will be awarded “PianoMan” rank, there is also a nifty trick in Hideout where if you go to the shooting gallery and shoot the barrel aka trash can then turn around and four mice will line up and you shoot them even if you miss they wont move and after they are all shot you will get a message “You have sent all the rats to a happy place in so many seconds

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